I wrote a really long post a head of this about MY BIG DARK SAD, but this post morphed. So the TL;DR is that I have depression and it’s hard, but my support network and I are working on it. The big thing for me is managing expectations, both my own and others. I’ve been reading a lot about Spoon Theory lately, and have managed to explain to the CatLord that I only have so many spoons a day, and that sometimes I only have enough spoons to get out of bed and drink a glass of water, and some days I have enough spoons to violently clean my house AND make dinner. Eventually he got it, but the question was always “why spoons?”
And then one day, a coworker shared a tweet about DnD and spellslots. You see, a level 5 spellcasting type will have so many spells a day, and once those spells are used, you can’t get them back until you have a long or short rest. And like, that makes sense, but I guess it just depends on your audience let’s say you’re trying to explain this to your mom?
And then I thought about my mom. She’s an amazing human, taught me a lot about who I am and who I can be. Shes also stupid good at video games, and is on like level trillion of candy crush or something.
So like, in candy crush, you have 5 hearts to use, and each time you fail a level you lose a heart. Over time the heart comes back, but you have to wait, and once you’re out of hearts there’s really nothing you can do. You could ask for hearts from other people, but you wouldn’t want to impose.
Some days it’s just easy levels and you never run out of hearts, and sometimes you’re stuck on this one fucking level for weeks and there’s nothing you can do about it but keep trying. You can see all your friends surpassing you and it sucks but you just gotta keep on going.
So I guess what I’m trying to say is, I have a really hard level today, and I have no hearts left, but I see one coming soon and I’m really amped about that.